He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
