remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
