he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
