I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
