stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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