Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
