Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
