Betty ford says i'm here all night
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
