The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
