Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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