my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
