Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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