Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He shit in the fireplace
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
