I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
