haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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