Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
