I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
