My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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