He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
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