dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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