Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
