On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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