Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
