accomplished twins. life is a go
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Randomize
