the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
