I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Let's get the cat blown out
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
