Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
