I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
