Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
