im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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