Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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