Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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