After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
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