It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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