Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
