there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
