Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
