I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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