a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
