Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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