i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Just high enough for therapy.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
