it wasn't lemon gatorade
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
God gave him joint rollers for hands
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
