I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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