Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Randomize
