I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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