im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
