I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
