this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
