also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
