Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Couch. On fire.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
