i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
