Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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