Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I just had sex on a roof
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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