you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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