Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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