Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
