When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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