Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
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