Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
