last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
