you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
