Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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