if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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