NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
No subtext here. People are naked.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
