Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
she smelled like a LAN party
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
