VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
