oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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