I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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