if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
