you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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