I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
