there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
