Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
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Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
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Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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